Warning: The following contains mild spoilers for Uncoupled Season 1. 

There’s a scene in the first episode of Uncoupled, the new comedy from creators Darren Star (Sex and the City, Emily in Paris) and Jeffrey Richman (Modern Family, Frasier), that will resonate with anyone who’s ever had their heart ripped out and stomped on. Michael Lawson (Neil Patrick Harris) is guiding his long-term partner, Colin (Tuc Watkins), into a surprise party for his 50th birthday. Just before Michael can open the door, Colin reveals that he’s done with their relationship and moving out of their apartment, leaving Michael speechless and bringing a whole new meaning to the deafening “SURPRISE!” that greets them. It’s a brutal breakup, but according to Star and Richman, a devastating ending also makes for a great beginning. 

Michael & Colin Have a Surprise For Each Other | Uncoupled S1E1Now that's a double whammy.

“Writing from the perspective of this age, we’ve got the wisdom to understand what this character would be going through psychologically,” Star tells Tudum. “We’ve both been on both sides of a breakup, understanding the pain of it and learning from it. Michael isn’t magically single without any encumbrances. He’s single, but dealing with a lot of pain, and trying to understand what happened and learning about himself in the process.”

That process is what Uncoupled is really all about. It’s a story about the snail’s pace, nonlinear journey of accepting the loss of a relationship, working through the pain and eventually — hopefully — starting to heal. At times, Michael lets the abject pain of losing Colin wash over him, perhaps even relishing his position as a victim. Harris’ performance is full of incredulous head flits, resentful scoffs and awkward decisions. Who among us hasn’t been dumped straight into a tailspin, the kind where we endlessly stare at our phones waiting for a text back or stalk our ex’s new love on social media or get told by our friends that, at some point, we need to stop talking about getting dumped? 

“Each episode had to contain a step in Michael’s journey, even if that step was a step backwards,” Star says. 

Throughout the season’s eight episodes, though, Michael starts to change: What was once a complete unwillingness to accept the fact that his long-term partner had left him slowly transforms into an introspective understanding of both himself and the reasons his relationship ended. 

“There had to be a reason in each episode to get him to a place [in the last episode] where he says, ‘Oh. It doesn’t hurt the same way it used to,’ ” Star says. “You see there’s been some self-reflection — [he realizes] he’s not blameless.”

Uncoupled adds another layer of nuance to the classic breakup story by focusing on characters who’ve already entered middle age — a time when being single comes with plenty of stigma and exacerbated fear attached. 

“Michael’s forced to redefine his life in midlife, in a way he never thought he was going to have to do,” Richman says. “It’s an optimistic, hopeful story, because we could all find ourselves falling into easy patterns or relationships. Whether he wanted to or not, he’s forced to go out there and reinvent his life.”

When it comes to writing relationship arcs (painful or otherwise), both Star and Richman have plenty of experience. Star was one of the masterminds behind what’s arguably pop culture’s biggest on-again, off-again relationship in Sex and the City, and he also co-wrote high-drama romances in ’90s hits like Melrose Place and Beverly Hills, 90210. (He created all three series.) For his part, Richman brings a career of tender yet pointed comedic writing to the table, with shows like Modern Family and Frasier. Both writers’ humor and penchant for heartwarming heroes manifest in Uncoupled’s hilariously earnest depictions of Michael’s full spiral: For every teary-eyed moment of grief, there’s a wickedly funny upshot — or, more specifically, for every shoulder pat Michael gives himself for taking the high road and trying to move on, there’s a much younger guy from a dating app who calls him Gandalf. 

Sarah Shatz/Netflix

Speaking of the age thing: Both Star and Richman agree that telling a story about this kind of reinvention, particularly from the perspective of a character over 40 (and closer to 50), is incredibly valuable and speaks to viewers who don’t often see their experiences reflected on television.

“It’s scary in the sense that you invest so much,” Star says. “It’s a chunk of your life in a relationship that doesn’t work, and now that investment is gone. You’ve got to start over. It’s not generally a position people like to find themselves in, and people react in different ways. I think this is a character who really chooses to be brave.”

Most important to the Uncoupled creators was their desire to tell a story that doesn’t just focus on the bleak fallout of a breakup, however painful it may be. In fact, both Star and Richman contend that breaking up actually has a few perks. 

“The plus side of being dumped is to be forced to go off and have new experiences,” Star says. “Take chances, take risks, have new adventures... that’s the silver lining to any breakup — if you put the energy into creating your life, you’re going to find opportunities that you would’ve never had before.”