Warning: This article contains 15 sexual euphemisms. Enter (make that 16) at your own risk.

“What would you like your penis to look like?”

That’s not a question most people will hear in their lifetime, but it’s one that Neil Patrick Harris had to answer on the set of his new romantic dramedy, Uncoupled, streaming now. 

Let’s get to the meat of the story.

Newly single after his 17-year relationship shrivels, Harris’ alter ego, Michael, faces a world of gay dating apps, one-night stands and potential suitors asking for, nay, expecting, photos of his tenderloin. Finding a suitable appendage for Michael to send as a pic became the work of Uncoupled’s crew. They didn’t hit a home run, at first.

“I got to my dressing room and there were these two weird flaccid penis things — these sad little sausage-y looking things that didn’t even look like wieners. These are the two options for what the world is going to think is my hee haw?” Harris says.

How Neil Patrick Harris Found the D-Pic in Uncoupled‘I think I still have it on my phone.’

Like Captain Ahab, Harris was determined to find his Moby Dick.

And like Ahab, he took to the sea... of D pics on Google. Harris recalls, “Can't we just look online and find a picture of someone’s wiener and adjust it or get the rights to it? So then we had a glorious text thread where executive producer Jeffrey [Richman] said, ‘Well, send me some pics.’ And I said, ‘All right!’” 

A conversation about size and girth ensued. Many options were explored. “I think I still have it on my phone,” Harris says. “We were just trying to decide. You want it to be a normal size but not too big. I don’t even know how it wound up happening, but we got in the right area.”

A wanker, sorry — winner — was found and rights were secured. The donor’s identity remains sheathed.

If you’re curious about the culmination of their search, you can see the goods for yourself in Uncoupled, Episode 3, time code 17:58.