[Cold Open, Clip]

Tom Hopper (as Luther Hargreeves): Hey, will you do one more thing for me? 

David Castañeda (as Diego Hargreeves): Yeah. 

Tom Hopper (as Luther Hargreeves): Take off those glasses and never wear them again.

[Clip 1]

[guests laughing and chattering at party]

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves):  Haven’t seen Viktor today, but Viktor ended the world twice.

[woman 1]: Tell us about Allison.

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): Oh, yeah, Allison. She set up this whole timeline. She stole her daughter from another one, and …

[woman 1] Oh, scary!

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): And then there’s Luther! Luther used to be part gorilla and now he’s an exotic dancer.

Woman 1: Oh!

Woman 2: Hi!

Male Guest: Hi.

Woman 1: Which went to prison?

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): That’s Ben. Benny-boy! Yeah, I love you too. 

Woman 2: And who’s the really screwed up one, yeah? 

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): Uh … 

Woman 1:You know, the thieving, cheating addict?

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): Oh!

Woman 1: What a scumbag. 

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): Yeah, that would be me.

[group speaking in foreign language and chattering]

[contemplative music playing]

Aidan Gallagher (as Number Five): Klaus?

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): Oh, hey! Five. How’s it going? 

Aidan Gallagher (as Number Five): So, how long you been sober now? 

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): Oh, uh, coming up on three years on Jan. 15, but who’s counting, right? 

Aidan Gallagher (as Number Five): That’s amazing. Really, good for you. 

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): Thanks, Five. Appreciate it.

[Clip 2]

[ominous music playing]

[panting]

Victoria Sawal (as Jennifer): Ben?

[Ben panting hysterically]

Justin H. Min (as Ben Hargreeves): Jennifer, we gotta get out of here. The Keepers have surrounded the storm.

Victoria Sawal (as Jennifer): [gasping] I can’t … move.

Justin H. Min (as Ben Hargreeves): [gasps] Please! OK, you got to try before it’s too late.

Victoria Sawal (as Jennifer): Help me!

Justin H. Min (as Ben Hargreeves): Uh, I don’t know what to do!

Elliot Page (as Viktor Hargreeves): Ben? 

Justin H. Min (as Ben Hargreeves): Viktor. What are you doing here?

Elliot Page (as Viktor Hargreeves): OK. Uh, you … you need to come with me. 

Justin H. Min (as Ben Hargreeves): I’m not leaving Jennifer.

Elliot Page (as Viktor Hargreeves): [gasping] I’m gonna help you, OK? Both of you. Just … I need you to listen to me.

Justin H. Min (as Ben Hargreeves): [distorted] We don’t need your help!

[ominous music continues] 

Justin H. Min (as Ben Hargreeves): I’m sorry. I –– I didn’t mean to yell.

[ominous music swelling]

[Clip 3]

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): Hey, hey, out of my way! Watch it! Watch where you’re going! Move it! Out of my way! 

[shuddering] 

Man 1: Aw, come on, man. Really? 

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): Ow! God, I hate all of you! Hate all of you!

[Clip 4]

[people cheering] 

Tom Hopper (as Luther Hargreeves): All right. [sighs] I borrowed this from “Squeaky Cheeks” Johnson. He’s your size.

David Castañeda (as Diego Hargreeves): Oh! Freeze.

David Castañeda (as Diego Hargreeves): Hmm. Dude. Hurry up, man. I’m gonna be late for my deep brief. 

Tom Hopper (as Luther Hargreeves): How can you be excited at a time like this? You know you saw Dad put a bullet in Ben’s head, right? Like it was just a regular Tuesday. 

David Castañeda (as Diego Hargreeves): Yeah, well, you know, moping in a strip club locker room ain’t gonna do jack shit, either. 

Tom Hopper (as Luther Hargreeves): Ben didn’t even want to go on that mission, man. I forced him. Why could I never stand up to Dad? I should have stood up for Ben. I should have stood up for the family. I just … I should have stood up for Sloane. 

Tom Hopper (as Luther Hargreeves): Hey. Can I ask you something? Am I a bad leader? 

David Castañeda (as Diego Hargreeves): Yes. I’ve always told you that. Hey, big guy, look. You’re not a bad person. You know? Listen, we got another chance at saving Ben. Not the Ben we like, but still, it’s a second chance. 

Tom Hopper (as Luther Hargreeves): Yeah. Got a second chance. Hey, will you do one more thing for me?

David Castañeda (as Diego Hargreeves): Yeah. 

Tom Hopper (as Luther Hargreeves): Take off those glasses and never wear them again. Wanna go to the CIA?

David Castañeda (as Diego Hargreeves): I would love that.

Tom Hopper (as Luther Hargreeves): Let’s do it. 

[Clip 5] 

Stephanie: Uh, meeting’s canceled. 

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): What? Why?

Stephanie: Nobody’s here.

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): I’m here. 

Stephanie: Yeah, take a pamphlet. 

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): Listen, lady, I’ve been to enough court-ordered rehabs ––

Stephanie: Uh, “Stephanie.”

[contemplative music playing] 

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): Stephanie, I’ve been to enough court-ordered rehab to know if one person shows up, then it’s a meeting. You might make a motion to adjourn but I’m not seconding, and I’ve had one hell of a slip. And I’m not leaving until I get my one-day chip.

Stephanie: [sighs deeply] Sit. 

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): Thank you. Where to start? Goodness. Well, my name is Klaus —

Stephanie: Ah, ah, ah … If we’re gonna be [bleep] about the rules, we’re going to be [bleep] about the rules.

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): OK.

[clears throat]

Stephanie: [sighs] Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of people who share their experience, strengths ––

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): It’s true. Blah, blah, blah. Very, very important. You said that a thousand times. I’ve heard it a thousand times. But maybe could we get to the part where ––

Stephanie: The floor is now open for sharing.

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): Great!

Stephanie: Two minutes. I repeat, two minutes with a 15-second warning. [signs] How about you?

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): Moi?

Stephanie: Mmhmm.

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): Thank you, Stephanie.

Stephanie: You’re welcome.

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): [inhaling deeply] Powerlessness!

[contemplative music continues] 

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): Powerlessness. Wow! It … It’s all right there in the first step. Little words on the page. But I never had any real understanding of what powerlessness meant or could mean. Until I was buried alive in a pet cemetery in the grave of a prize-winning greyhound named Thunderbolt, dying …

[shuddering]

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): … and reanimating, dying, and reanimating, over and over again. And before all that, I’d had three years clean. Three whole years. But the problem was, I was trying to do it all by myself. Staying all closeted in my safe little bubble, scared of death, scared of life.

[contemplative music continues] 

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): Scared of life. And … taking it out on … p … [inhaling deeply] Taking it out on the people who love me the most. Who are sitting outside, by the way. So, I just want to say for the first time in my entire life, without irony, that my name is Klaus, and I am an alcoholic. And I am a complete drug addict. And, while we’re at it, I’m probably addicted to love, and sex, and tweezing all the tiny little body hairs …

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): [exhales deeply] H … How much of that did you guys, uh, catch? 

Emmy Raver-Lampman (as Allison Hargreeves): Enough. 

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): But you’re still gonna stick around?

[chuckles faintly]

Robert Sheehan (as Klaus Hargreeves): [sighs deeply] See? Got good people.