Love Is Blind is a battlefield. Straight singles come together for an unusual social experiment, dating and getting engaged without ever having seen the other person. It‘s risky, but for some, it’s well worth it: real, lasting relationships are built in the pods. And even when they’re not, other contestants leave wiser than ever before. In Season 2, Danielle Ruhl and Shaina Hurley learn a lot about themselves – and their needs – when it comes to love. Because they know a thing or two about anonymity and attraction, we decided to ask them for relationship advice — but not just any advice. These women are pros at navigating unconventional dating situations, so, we walked them through a few “Am I The Asshole?” scenarios from Twitter, a series in which unnamed users ask the internet for help in all things love. It‘s… something else.

If you think their Love Is Blind storylines were combative, these situations are an all-out war.

Love Is Blind trained you in all things atypical love, so we’re hoping you can share your newfound wisdom with these Tweeters in crisis. Here’s the first one. There's a couple, a 30-year-old man and his 21-year-old girlfriend. They've been dating for a year. His favorite thing about her is that she's really supportive of him. He's not really in a good place in his career and his life right now, so he depends on her to talk him up. When she does, he calls it his “power words.” One day, he hears his girlfriend giving a pep talk to her friend over Zoom using the same language and he gets upset. He thinks she shouldn't waste her power words on other people because he needs them the most. Now he feels like her words, when she gives him this pep talk, are meaningless. Is he, ahem, the asshole?

Danielle: ​​Yes. He's not the only person in her life. She does have other relationships and other people that she cares about. And he's more than likely not the only person experiencing some of the things that he's experiencing. And so the things that he loves in her, and the way that she's supporting him, he should love the fact that she's able to do that for other people as well and hype them up. 

Shaina: He sounds like a bitch. First of all, it's not her job to make him feel more like a man. Let‘s put it right then and there. That‘s within a man. If he has to go to another person to validate himself, I‘m sorry, that makes him a bitch.

No, I‘m so sorry. I‘m not being eloquent enough. If he is not where he wants to be, he should not be in a relationship. If you need another person to make you happy or to validate you, you are not in a place to be in a relationship, because you're not whole. It doesn't take two halves, it takes two wholes.

Here’s another: A woman has an adorable dog named Brad. One day, her sister introduces the woman to her new boyfriend, and his name happens to be Brad. When they meet for the first time, the boyfriend asks for the dog's name. The woman tells him, “Brad.” He looks upset, like she's messing with him, and the vibe is off from then on. Everyone's a little uncomfortable. Later that night, the sister calls and tells the woman, “You disrespected my boyfriend.” Should the woman have lied about the dog's name? Is she the asshole?

Danielle: Absolutely not. The dog was in her life before her sister’s boyfriend was. So, if anything, it's the girlfriend who's being mad at her sister who's the asshole. Because if it was going to be such an issue, maybe she should have told her boyfriend about the dog’s name in advance — if he's the kind of person who would be so upset about it.

Shaina: I want to quote the Kardashians right now. “People are dying right now, OK? Kim, there‘s people that are dying.” You’re worried about your boyfriend’s feelings about the dog’s name? No offense, get a life. Find humor. I would've died. When I was in third grade, I was in cheerleading and this girl, the captain, met me and she goes, “Your name‘s Shaina? Oh, my gosh, my cousin who‘s a stripper is named Shaina.” She was like, "All these strippers are named Shaina.” I was in third grade! I was like, “Oh, cool.” It‘s one of those things that you just roll with it. Also, let‘s put it this way, dogs are the closest thing to God. I would be honored.

There's a couple in their 20s, a man and a woman. They love to cook together, except the guy isn‘t totally sanitary. He‘ll often use the same cutting boards and knives for raw meat and vegetables. They fight about it a lot. He doesn't see the big deal. So she decides to play a trick on him. She pretends to eat his tainted carnitas, and the next day, she pretends to be sick: fake vomiting, the whole deal. She stays home. The big issue here, however, is that the next day was supposed to be a family dinner with his family. Is the girlfriend the asshole for playing a trick on her boyfriend and missing the dinner?

Danielle: I think they‘re both assholes in this instance because he should probably make the sacrifice, do that small thing, to make her more comfortable with what she‘s eating. He should have changed his behavior before her having to go to that point. I think that [her prank is] all fun and games, to be honest. However, keeping it that long to get out of a dinner out of spite, or something… I don't think that that‘s right. Maybe if it was, like, an hour-long joke.

Shaina: Oh, yeah. That's an asshole. Don‘t get me wrong: I think it's hilarious that she was going to play a prank. But to actually go through it and miss a family dinner, that's pretty shiesty, if you ask me. Pick a different day, honey. Know your timing.

For this one, here‘s a couple who've recently moved in together. When they had their separate apartments, both of them were clean. Since moving in together, the boyfriend has stopped doing chores. He says he’s just bad at them and he's trying his best. After doing all the chores all the time and asking him to help to no avail, she decides to pretend that it‘s OK and agree with him that her cleanliness standards are too high. So, when he doesn't do the dishes, for example, she serves him food in a dirty dish he just threw into the sink. When she cooks a meal for his work party, tells him to throw it in the refrigerator and when he inevitably forgets to do it, she says, “Serve it anyway.” Somehow it works, and he starts to clean. But is she the asshole?

Danielle: I've seen in a lot of relationships that when men get more serious with women, they almost treat them as if they‘re their mom and they expect them to do all of the different things that they assume a woman is supposed to do, based on what they might have seen in their family growing up. He should compromise more in making sure that it's 50-50. I don't necessarily disagree with her, but it‘s almost seeming as if he‘s assuming that a woman should be doing this stuff, and I don't necessarily blame her for being upset about it. You can only wait on someone for so long until you are going to become resentful.

Shaina: She should write a book. He's getting lazy, because he‘s not even engaged yet. Not that marriage lets you be lazy, but let's say a man is the provider and let's say she‘s a stay-at-home mom, then, yeah, I get it. But homeboy needs to step it up. She should teach a class. She's actually a genius. She‘s actually doing reverse psychology instead of nagging like most of us would. Have you ever read the book Why Men Love Bitches? It is the best book in the world, and every woman should read it. It's a little dated because it's before social media, but, basically, [the author] says, “Don't bend over backwards. Men don't like nagging. Use reverse psychology.” If you don't like putting his laundry away, just let it pile up. So, if anything, that girl‘s genius.

A man and a woman have been married for three years. While on vacation with the husband's family, the wife asks to borrow her husband's computer and searches for her name to find a file. Instead, she finds another file with her name on it that‘s full of reports on her, her extended family, and her two childhood friends. He had run a background check on her before they got married. She exploded on him and cut the vacation short. Is she the asshole?

Danielle: The core foundation of a relationship is trust. If you're going to need to go into that level of detail in order to figure out a way to trust someone, then you shouldn't be getting into that stage of the relationship, in general. If he had specific questions, he should have asked her and trusted her answers. I don't disagree with her being disappointed because I would want someone to fully trust me without having to go to those lengths to try and find dirt on me. It’s almost like trying to start a fight that doesn't need to exist.

Shaina: This is a hard one. I don't blame him for doing a background check. People are crazy these days. You just never know. Is that weird that I think that? I don't think either of them are assholes. I don't blame either of them, but it is weird that he would do that right before the wedding. But I don't think she should have cut the vacation short. They need to have some convos. If you have trust issues and have to do a background check right before you're married, that’s strange. I can see that if you do that right before you start dating, like, "OK, who is this person I'm getting involved with?" 

This one is complicated, so we’re going to use some fake names. There‘s this woman named Tammy and she has two co-workers, Adam and Mary. Adam and Mary were married while they worked together. One day, Adam cheats on Mary and eventually marries the woman he cheated on her with. Adam invited Tammy to the wedding, but because she's good friends with both parties, she texts Mary about the wedding details. At the actual ceremony, Tammy sends her a picture of the bride‘s dress because she thinks it looks identical to Mary‘s wedding dress when she and Adam were married. An hour later, the police show up at the venue and tell the bride to take off her dress and all of her jewelry – she's literally wearing Mary‘s wedding gown and family heirlooms. They refuse. Adam and the mistress get arrested and the wedding is called off. Now Adam is blaming Tammy for telling Mary and ruining his wedding. Who is the asshole?

Danielle: I honestly am so against cheating that I am team Mary. I mean, it‘s one thing to get cheated on in the first place, but it‘s an additional slap in the face to have someone wearing her heirlooms on top of that wedding dress. Not only experiencing the person that you married, marrying someone else, but having to almost re-watch that in the same way you got married, that‘s entirely depressing. And so maybe calling the cops or doing something of that nature could have been dramatic, but the amount of emotions that she was experiencing, I don't necessarily blame her for doing that.

It makes me question the intentions of the mistress. Did the mistress do that as a slap in the face to be like, “Oh, he‘s mine now and look at me wearing your dress?” I don't necessarily blame Mary for taking drastic measures because of how upset I would be in that situation. I could see myself doing the same thing, to be honest.

Shaina: I don‘t think Tammy‘s an asshole at all. I would say the same thing. I would tell her. I do not blame her at all for telling Mary that the new wife is wearing her family's heirlooms. Do I think it's petty, that Mary should have never called the cops? Yes. You wait until after [the wedding], then you get it. But I think that it is freaking creepy that the mistress is wearing [her stuff]. She‘s the asshole, 100%. That‘s evil. The mistress is the asshole. Actually, she and Adam are both losers. I would be like, “OK, bye.”

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.