Finding love isn’t always a matter of spotting each other across the room — in fact, it usually takes a lot more effort. Fans of Indian Matchmaking have seen this firsthand, witnessing Mumbai matchmaker Sima Taparia’s process unfold for romantic hopefuls across the globe. But Sima Aunty isn’t the only one putting in the hours, and matchmaking is becoming more commonplace for diasporic South Asians who are looking to build relationships outside the apps that currently dominate the dating scene. Many singles are made to feel like these apps are their only option to meet new people.

Enter Ariana Nathani, a digital designer in her 20s who’s made a name for herself in matchmaking through her dating service called Drinks First. In 2019, Drinks First began as a podcast featuring anonymous singles in New York City. Listeners have the opportunity to match with other podcast guests based on what they hear in the episode. While the featured clientele isn’t strictly Indian or Indian American, the shared culture of being a young, socially and politically savvy New Yorker reigns. Nathani also hosts an in-person event series for singles at the city’s hottest spots, underlining the importance of real-life connections when it comes to building relationships.

Matchmaking as a practice is largely stigmatized as an outdated, archaic and prescriptive practice. But millennial matchmakers like Nathani believe that the traditional practice can actually be an effective and modern way to find a partner, especially for those who don’t want to leave their potential meet-cute moment up to chance.

Nathani realized that, just like Sima’s clients in Indian Matchmaking, many single people in her life were feeling burned out and frustrated by the dating game. “Why are all of these wonderful people having an issue trying to find somebody? There has to be a better way to connect. Everyone wants to have that organic meet-cute, that real-life story of meeting their partner, so I try to create spaces where that can happen for people.”

These days, an Instagram profile serves as living biodata — a “storefront,” as Nathani calls it, a personal highlight reel. “It’s fun to curate a profile, but it’s not always indicative of people’s lives and personalities,” says Nathani. For anyone who’s become jaded by the endless, cyclical nature of dating apps where most digital conversations don’t manifest into real relationships, the lack of human touch in finding a partner can mean all swipes and no rings.

“People can say they have a type, but attraction is so subjective that nobody knows whether they can hit it off with someone until they’re actually in the moment,” explains Nathani. A first impression made by biodata or a social media profile can only take a relationship so far, so the real connection begins in a space that can challenge the rules of attraction that singles often set for themselves. Social mixer events where organic meet-cutes can happen are a common way to meet new singles, but careful curation and a guest list that takes into account the values and desires of each attendee is what makes a mixer feel like an intimate space where romance is actually possible. That’s where matchmakers like Sima and Nathani come in.

Season 2 Intro ‘Indian Matchmaking’ S2E1In India, marriage is a very big industry.

As seen in Indian Matchmaking Season 2, these mixers can become the setting for some budding romances (and covert kisses). For Nathani, planning these types of events is a key aspect of the Drinks First mission — to build connections that “transcend identity” — and invite guests who have the potential to hit it off. Putting together diverse groups of people working in different industries who have varying life experiences is important; it encourages attendees to step out of their comfort zones when it comes to dating.

With this new environment for dating taking off for young people, how exactly does Nathani  differ from someone like Sima, who’s been doing this work for decades? Honestly, not very much. Just like Sima, Nathani believes that compromise is key when it comes to finding love. “When you’re looking for a partner, you need to find someone who complements you, who fits into your lifestyle and who can help you become a better person. Sometimes that isn’t necessarily the person you thought it was going to be,” she says. “We’re very quick to close ourselves off to people when we see one thing we don’t like.” This definitely parallels Sima Aunty’s compatibility philosophy: If they have a good heart and meet 60–70% of your requirements, then they’re a match.

When it comes to building the relationship after the initial match, Nathani doesn’t believe in dating “rules.” “I don’t think you need to wait a certain amount of days before texting a date, I don’t think you shouldn’t say thank you after a date,” Nathani explains. “There doesn’t need to be such a strict, rigid set of rules that’s commanding the way we go about our relationships, especially if it hasn’t really worked for us before.” The disruption of these dating directives is part of the work of a matchmaker. Matchmakers can give clients the comfort of knowing that potential matches are all on the same page: serious about commitment and wanting to invest their time and energy into a relationship. And while finding a life partner has never been an easy task, with a little help from the experts you just might meet your match.