[tense music rising] 

Leia: I am in so much trouble!

[music subsides] 

Silent Bob: My bad. 

Kitty: My kitchen! 

Bob: I will throw you all under the bus.

Leia: Even me?

Bob: Yours is the only name I know. 

Red: Someone’s gonna die. I need a name, and I need an ass.

[rock music playing] 

Leia: Jay’s out of commission for two weeks. Which means no sex, and I keep getting more and more ready.

Gwen: Good thing you can solve this problem yourself.

[knocking on door]

Leia: I was taking a very standard shower, and it just came off. 

Red: But if we don’t figure it out, then it might happen again.

Kitty: Well —

Donna: After this, probably not.

Kitty:  Mm.

Nate: I made a huge mistake breaking up with Nikki. I really want her back. 

Jay: Go out there. Find another girl.

Nate: Can I buy you some wings?

Betsy: Sure. Hey, could you put a couple beers on my tab? It’s under Betsy Kelso. 

Jay: Hey, man. What happened to “misters before sisters”

Leia: Now that Jay doesn’t have his bro around, he’s turned me into his substitute Nate. 

Jay: Not in my house! [cheers] 

Kitty: I'm so excited school is starting tomorrow. 

Sherri: Why is it starting on a Saturday? 

Red: Do you just wander through life until someone tells you what day it is?

Sherri: I’ll be honest with you, most days, you don’t need to know what day it is.

Leia:I don’t want to leave. It’ll be hard to convince my mom to move here. 

Gwen: Thanks to us, your mom has no reason to say no. 

Donna: Seeing Leia surrounded with friends who love her warms my heart. But you’re all delinquents, and I trust none of you.

Leia: Mom, calm down.

Donna: I am calm. Don’t touch me.

[rock music continues] 

Ozzie: We gonna end this summer on a high note?

Ready to party!

[all cheer] Fozzie!

[insistent ringing] 

Yes? 

Gwen: Why are your hands so wet? 

Even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe it.

[backup alarm beeps]

Welcome, friends.

Mitch: [laughs] Well, well, well.

Donna: Mitch?

Mitch: I’m not seeing Eric. Is he dead? 

Donna; We’re still happily married.

Mitch: Took you a while to answer.

Donna: It didn’t. 

[music plays]

Donna: She snuck out with her friends. I knew this would happen.

Red: Let’ just go find her. 

Kitty: I’ve been framed.

[rock music fades]

[drum sound effect plays]