If you’ve spent hours upon hours watching murder mysteries, it’s easy to think solving a crime would be as easy as saying, “THE HUSBAND DID IT!” But when you’re actually faced with a mystery, the path forward isn’t always that clear. And it turns out that at least in this regard, celebs... are just like us. (Only richer.) 

In the new Netflix series Murderville, Detective Terry Seattle (Will Arnett) teams up with a new entertainer each episode to solve the murder of the week. The catch? The celeb in question, who plays themself, has no script and needs to try to really solve whodunit.

But not all crime solvers are created equal — especially when your partner is constantly trying to derail your investigation. So who is the best of the best? We gave them scores out of five points in six categories (a total of 30 possible points), ranking them using a highly scientific method: based on humor, skill and, frankly, how nerdy they get. 

Ken Jeong

Crime scene approach: 5 He has to pretend to be the corpse; slowly dying while also taking notes is not easy.

Interaction with suspects: 2 Well... he tries. 

Relationship with Detective Seattle: 5 He has Seattle’s back, whether it means vouching for him as the president of Finland or making music so the detective can have a fitting soundtrack for his grand gesture.

Physicality: 5 He has. To be. THE BODY. He isn’t as successful with the pushups, but it’s the thought that counts.

Undercover work: 3 He can’t stop laughing, which certainly doesn’t help sell any of his personas. But he is also tasked with going undercover more than anyone else, trying to sell a fake product on Den of Snakes and being a prison inmate.

Case closed? 0

Final score: 20/30

Sharon Stone

Crime scene approach: 4 The actor immediately jumps into the investigation in a no-nonsense way. However, she does drop the victim’s heart on the floor.

Interaction with suspects: 5 All. In. She pivots from doing a workout with a suspect to interviewing an administrator and then partaking in, um, “surgery” to speak to the final person of interest without missing a beat.

Relationship with Detective Seattle: 4 One of the more interesting dynamics, as Stone doesn’t break anywhere close to as much as others do. She holds her own, pushing back when necessary.

Physicality: 4 Well, there’s the aforementioned dropping of the heart. But Stone doesn’t hesitate to jump into the Zumba class in order to win over a suspect. 

Undercover work: 4 Point deducted because there’s a not-zero percent chance she killed a dude during the undercover surgery task. But she keeps the suspect talking throughout the whole bloody ordeal, so it’s only a point lost. (Sorry to that man.) 

Case closed? 0

Final score: 21/30

Conan O’Brien

Crime scene approach: 4   It’s never the best sign when you have to tell people you’re nervous to excuse the weird things you’re doing. However, there’s a multiple point bonus for O’Brien holding his own against a young girl who very much wants to know if magic is real. 

Interaction with suspects: 3  O’Brien is a bit distracted at times and has to be reminded to ask questions. 

Relationship with Detective Seattle: 4  Well, Seattle definitely tries to kill him with hot sauce while they have lunch, but O’Brien is the one to make Seattle break the most. Let’s call it a draw.

Physicality: 4  How did O’Brien not die from the sheer amount of hot sauce poured on his food?! A single point gets deducted due to his failed attempt at doing the casual backward chair sitting in the interrogation scene.

Undercover work: 2 He basically blows his cover and has to lock himself in the closet, so... 

Case closed? 5

Final score: 22/30

Annie Murphy

Crime scene approach: 5 Murphy has to get very, very close to the corpse: she lifts the body out of the soup so she can unlock the phone via facial recognition. She is also forced into taking a selfie with the body and tries to keep everyone on task. An early pro. 

Interaction with suspects: 4 She manages to do some, um, unconventional cooking while interrogating. And if Seattle hadn’t sabotaged her, her pastries would have been gorgeous. 

Relationship with Detective Seattle: 2 Poor Murphy is derailed at every turn by Seattle, whether it’s him blowing her undercover operation or telling on her to the chef. 

Physicality: 15 SHE HAS TO TAKE A SELFIE WITH A CORPSE. Also, she has to use her entire arm to stir food while trying to question a suspect. She gets 0/10 in terms of food sanitation, but 5/5 for crime solving. 

Undercover work: 2 She has less success undercover, both due to Seattle absolutely derailing any progress she makes and her breaking while trying to deliver the lines he’s relaying to her. 

Case closed? 5

Final score: 33/30

Kumail Nanjiani

Crime scene approach: 3  The actor and comedian has to be prompted to check the mouth of the corpse. (To be fair: How often do you go digging into a dead man’s mouth? But... a vital clue was in there.) Also, he keeps breaking.

Interaction with suspects: 4  Anytime a person can keep up with an improvised song, it should lead to maximum points allowed. However, Nanjiani insults a suspect’s meditation app, which led to literal CDs being thrown, so...  

Relationship with Detective Seattle: 3  He partners with Seattle as things are blowing up in the detective’s personal life, and sides with Seattle’s ex-wife — yeah, not the best start. But he plays along with most of Seattle’s games after that.

Physicality: 25 👏  The. 👏  Ugly. 👏  Walk. 👏  

Undercover work: 4  Nanjiani does the ugly walk, but doesn’t want to say the fake name he was assigned. 

Case closed? 5

Final score: 44/30

Marshawn Lynch, aka Detective Bagabitch

Crime scene approach: 5 The football star is the sole case with no crime scene to investigate; instead, the new partners go straight to the morgue. Lynch takes notes and has jokes.

Interaction with suspects: 5  Perfection, basically. He mimes a suspect in a two-way mirror to get extra insight. He allows another to take his photo to be used as part of a new currency. (Don’t ask.) 

Relationship with Detective Seattle: 5  In their first moments together, Lynch — or Detective Bagabitch, as he requestes his name be changed to — vows to avenge the death of Seattle’s Aunt Viv. (Viv died in her sleep years ago, but... it’s the thought that counts.)  

Physicality: 50  We mentioned the miming, right?!

Undercover work: 5 In Lynch’s defense, Seattle blows his cover. Lynch keeps his cool throughout it all, even checking with the crew to make sure he’s allowed to take the drink he was offered.

Case closed? 0

Final score: 70/30