Last Friday, my daughters, ages 8 and 12, finished school for the summer. My wife had just wrapped up her first year of teaching fourth grade. Our teenage son still had a week left of his freshman year, but it was past grade cutoff, so he didn’t have any homework. We were gearing up for summer vacation, the world was beginning to slow down and the first thing my wife and I did that afternoon was hand the kids the remote so we could breathe. And we didn’t feel one sliver of shame.

Don’t get me wrong. There are many, many times when parenting is amazing. I love the heck out of my kids. But I am also a realist, and parenting can be absolutely consuming as well. It’s a mixed bag of awww and OMG, and there are moments –– particularly during breaks from school –– when you have to give the kids the remote and just take a moment for yourself. And I, for one, am here to argue that there is nothing, absolutely nothing, wrong with that. 

If I’ve learned anything from raising my kids over 15 years and writing online about parenting for over a decade, it’s that there is this underlying shame, mostly pushed in parenting online groups, around handing your child the remote and letting them stream shows so you can keep them occupied and get a moment to yourself. And none of it is warranted, particularly right now. We are all coming out of a very long and all-consuming two years of having our kids home 24/7, many of us working from home while our kids were learning from home. Mental health is at an all-time low for both parents and children. We were all given a bit of normalcy when our kiddos went back to school, but now many of us are entering a long summer break. Honestly, I’m still licking my wounds from two years of quarantine. This is just an assumption, or maybe it is a prediction, but there are going to be moments this summer when I am going to need to step away from my kids, same as I did last Friday on the last day of the school year.

The reality is that raising kids in 2022 isn’t like raising kids in the ’80s or ’90s. Sending our kids into the neighborhood to go on a Stranger Things sort of adventure into the Upside Down really isn’t an option anymore. I remember watching the first season with my middle daughter, and as Mike, Will, Dustin and Lucas rode their bikes around Hawkins without an adult in sight, Norah leaned over and said, “Where are their parents?” completely confused that children would be allowed to ride across town at night without parental supervision. While it was something completely normal in my childhood, it’s 100% shunned in hers. When I watched The Goonies with my son, he had a similar reaction. Parents right now are expected to monitor their children around the clock, shuttling them from one obligation to another, and taking account of where they are at all times. That can be exhausting for both parent and child.

Yet that is the cultural norm in the US, and, oftentimes, the only opportunity a parent has to care for themselves and their own mental health is to pass the remote to their kids and let them get absorbed into whatever is on-screen for a brief period of time. Still, we might tell ourselves that by allowing our kids to stream shows, we’re failing as parents. 

Frankly, after everything parents have been through in the past couple years, it’s time to put an end to that shame. 

I am giving you all a license to let your kids stream movies and TV shows this summer so you can have a moment to get caught up on the things you need to do without distraction, or so you can simply take a moment for yourself. Don’t feel bad about it! Not one bit. And listen, if this is a tough pill to swallow, trust me, I get it. Maybe ask the kids to watch educational programming and tell yourself it’s part of their summer education. There are some great shows out there, too. Brainchild is a personal favorite in our home, along with Our Great National Parks, Emily’s Wonder Lab and the all-time classic, The Magic School Bus. 

And, honestly, friends, if I learned anything from living through a pandemic with children, sitting and watching shows with my kiddos is an amazing way to connect as a family, with little planning and cozy snuggles. Don’t feel bad about putting your feet up and watching shows with your kids this summer. It’s an amazing, relaxing way to interact, and, frankly, after the past couple years, everyone has earned some stress-free family time. 

Like most things in parenting, this is a personal decision. And I get that “Screen Time” is part of how I make my living writing for Netflix and all. But I still have TV rules for my kids. In our home, we do expect our children to accomplish a list of chores before they can have screens, and once they have earned their TV time, there’s a limit to how long they can watch. But there are days when that chore list and the time limit is voided, and our kids are handed the remote, so my wife and I can just have a break for a brief moment. And I’m over feeling bad about that. Stop stressing. Stop kicking yourself. Stop thinking you’re a bad parent. All of us deserve a break, and, sometimes, the only way to get one is by letting the kids stream. That’s the simple reality of raising kids in the here and now, and there is absolutely no shame in that.