Woman: Oh, thank you.

[sighs, slurping] You're not drinking. You look like shit. You don't want to talk about holes. Are you fucking pregnant?

No!

No? No! Get rid of it!

What?

No, I I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. I'm sorry. God, I-I just-- I thought that I would have a baby first, and you would, like, wait too long and, you know, try to adopt, and that wouldn't really pan out, and you'd just get like some weird pet, like off-brand, like a ferret or some shit. I don't know. But I'm so happy for you.

[gasps] A baby! [laughs emotionally] Lainy, I didn't want to tell you right now. Please don't be mad. Stop! Why would I be mad at you? A baby. I'm so happy for you.

[Lainy laughing]

Woman: Well, I mean… Yes, but you just demanded I have an abortion.

[Lainy] Mmhmm.

Woman: This is terrible timing. I thought that you’d be engaged and I'd be pregnant and it'd be so nice… No, it's fine. It is nice. It's amazing. You’re-- [sniffles] You're having a baby. I know, it's so weird. So crazy. [laughs] Oh, thank you for knowing I was gonna need to eat.

Woman: Yeah, I knew.

[both laughing]

[instruments tuning] To just celebrating you, and not thinking about Dave.

Man: Hi, I’m Dave, and we’re the Threesomes. This is the first song off our debut album, Threesome. It's called “Threesome.”

[jazz music playing]