My name is Happy Gilmore. Thirty years ago, I decided to give golf a try. But even when you're at the top of your game…

[strains, yells] …you can always shank one. Happy Gilmore sucks? Oh, eat a bag of di--

["Magic" playing]

[man 1] How are you gonna put Vienna through ballet school? It's $75,000 a year. That's four years. That's 333 grand. That's terrible math, Johnny. It's 300 grand. I wouldn't even know where to start. Let them see the Happy I fell in love with.

Come on. You gotta do it, Dad.

All right, let's go.

[ignition struggling] What about the jiggle?

[Gilmore] I know how to do it, fellas.

[overlapping chatter]

[all yelling] What the hell is happening? ♪ Oh, ho, ho, it's magic ♪ Happy Gilmore is breaking in yet another caddie he just met.

[Gilmore] All right, we're gonna go. But you bring those. Those always come. All right? That's it. They got a strap if you want to use the strap. Happy Gilmore didn't have things flowing on the first hole.

[groans] Oh!

Son of a

[laughter] Check out the name tag, Grandson. You're in my world now. Got you a little something, Pop.

[all yelling]

[laughs]

Oh! Whoo!

Everyone is talking about…

[man 2] The comeback kid.

Happy Gilmore.

[all] Happy Gilmore.

Happy Gilmore! We've been watching you play, Mr. Gilmore. So inspiring. My dad loved you, man.

[cracking] I am so sorry. Give 'em here. I got some Gorilla Glue.

[both] Whoo!

[Gilmore] Here we go! Remember the happy place I went to? You go to yours.

["Magic" continues]

[yells]

Oh!

Yes!

[Gilmore] Oh my God, Rory!

Boo!

Jackass. Bingo! Whoo!

[music fades] You stole my life from me. Why would I wanna steal the life of somebody who eats pieces of shit for breakfast?

[chuckles]

[gasps]

[screams] ♪ Never believe it's not so ♪ ♪ Oh, ho, ho, it's magic ♪